Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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