I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am naked and annoyed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
