Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she looked like the before picture.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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