My liver just broke up with me...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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