This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
