Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
