I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
