what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
