feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
