I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
