is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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