We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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