i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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