Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
