I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
