I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
