Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
