I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
