I cannot find my penis.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
