Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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