And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
