I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
