there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
