glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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