Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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