a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
PANTIES FOUND
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