I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
