maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
