There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
