i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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