I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
