Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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