what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
