i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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