You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
