FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
