u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize