Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
