have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
