I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
