I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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