1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize