The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
