You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
