dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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