So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
