i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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