I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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