Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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