dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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