over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
