Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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