I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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