Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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