This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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