it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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