I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
