Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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