You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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