i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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