just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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