K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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