I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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