you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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