Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
