she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
