Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
