what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
4 words: hood of his car
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
