I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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