There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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