you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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