I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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