Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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